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10 Ways To Know if You Are Dating a Sociopath

Hi Gorgeous, I found this interesting article on Girlie Girl Army http://girliegirlarmy.com/   I hope you find it interesting.

Love Kim xxx

10 Ways to Know if You are Dating a Sociopath

You need to be aware who you let into your life, single ladies and menfolk. Sociopaths are often hard to spot, as they can be charming with amazing social skills.

Sociopaths are smooth talkers, always have an answer, and can seem very exciting.

But their charm hides a chilly selfishness designed to torment.

Learn how to identify and avoid sociopaths by reading 10 ways to spot a sociopath (aka con artist) on your first date.

There are people in the world who don’t care about love, and who feel no remorse, empathy or emotional attachment to others. They don’t even know what these feeling are. These people are called sociopaths. Most people think of a sociopath as a deranged serial killer, but, with 4% of the population having the character traits of a sociopath, most sociopaths never physically harm anyone. Sociopaths do however ruin lives, empty bank accounts, and cause untold emotional trauma, using simply the fact that they don’t care.

The Absence of Feelings:
Sociopaths may seem to laugh or cry but they present with no depth of emotion. While easily provoked to frustration or rage, their display of feeling is little more than a momentary, isolated temper tantrum. To the sociopath, other people are tools to  get them what they want: money, sex, a job or other possessions. They live in their own amoral world where nothing they do has any consequences and where they owe no one anything. They have no empathy. Thus, they elude all responsibility for their actions, and can easily turn the tables, blaming their partner without guilt or shame.

The Relentlessness of Deception: Sociopaths lie all the time. As they don’t view their spouse as a thinking, feeling person, they do not see this behavior as wrong. Their only quest is to serve themselves and, if this entails lying, cheating or even murder, they will do so. If one catches them in lies, they are brilliant at changing the subject, placing the onus on the other person, denying their involvement or trying to make their spouse seem crazy. They are even good at deceiving the police and the court system; sociopaths rarely end up in prison for their actions.

The Impulsiveness of Action: Sociopathic individuals rarely plan ahead. They undertake actions on the basis of momentary whims, often devious ones. Every act seems isolated in its own amoral universe. Thus, they cannot keep promises or repair the damage they’ve caused to others. When they lie, cheat or steal, the act exists solely for them; they believe it should have no repercussions or real world effects. They often appear to have “forgotten” they did something shortly after it happened. Their need for excitement encourages them to get involved in one night stands, shady deals and ill advised engagements. Sociopaths have no sense of commitment to their spouses, any children they may have together or the future.

HOW TO SPOT A SOCIOPATH
:

Sociopaths have impressive social skills, thereby making them extremely hard to spot. They are charming, funny and exciting. This is why we need to be aware. If your new romantic interest exhibits all or most of the following behaviors, be careful. He or she might be a sociopath.

1) Charisma and charm:
They’re smooth talkers, always have an answer, never miss a beat. They seem to be very exciting. Their manners are impeccable; they are well groomed; they fulfill the codes of romance and courtship to a tee. They are likely to be eloquent talkers who lace their speech with impressive sounding facts and figures. They may be fun, laugh a lot, sweep their partner off their feet with their sweetness.

2) Enormous ego: They act like the smartest, richest or most successful people around. They may actually come out and tell you that.

3) Overly attentive: They call, text and e-mail constantly. They want to be with you every moment. They resent time you spend with your family and  friends.

4) Jekyll and Hyde personality: One minute they love you; the next minute they hate you. Their personality changes like flipping a switch.

5) Blame others: Nothing is ever their fault. They always have an excuse. Someone else causes their problems.

6) Lies and gaps in the story. You ask questions, and the answers are vague. They tell stupid lies. They tell outrageous lies. They lie when they’d make out better telling the truth. If you probe deeper, you’ll find that their stories never stack up.

7) Intense eye contact: Call it the predatory stare. If you get a chill down your spine when they look at you, pay attention.

8) Move fast: They quickly proclaim that you’re their true love and soul mate. They want to move in together or get married quickly.

9) Pity play: They appeal to your sympathy. They want you to feel sorry for their abusive childhood, psychotic ex, incurable disease or financial setbacks.

10) Sexual magnetism: If you feel intense attraction, if your physical relationship is unbelievable, it may be their excess testosterone.

Some doctors call them sociopaths, others refer to them as psychopaths. Either way, the terms are used to describe individuals who have a range of personality disorders. These people are NOT certifiably mentally ill; they are biological carriers of socially and personally problematic traits. Such traits may have been manifested from childhood in acts of cruelty to animals, property or people. These characteristics can disrupt relationships, create financial and emotional crises, and, at their worst, lead the person to callously undertake acts of vandalism, theft, rape or murder. Being aware what constitutes a sociopath can help one resist their charm and the errors inherent in establishing a life with them.

Sociopaths know exactly what they are doing, and most of them never kill anyone. But they are social predators who exploit just about everyone they meet. They have no heart, no conscience and no remorse.

You can’t ‘cure’ a sociopath or help them to see the error of their ways. They don’t see the world as we do, so the only thing you can do, is save yourself and walk away.

Dr Annabelle R Charbit is the Author of A Life Lived Ridiculously; “When a girl with obsessive compulsive disorder falls in love with a sociopath, she must fight for her sanity and her life.” Available at Amazon and Barnes & Noble.

 

Here is some more information from http://www.ridiculouslife.net/index.html

Dr. Robert Hare’s Psychopathic Checklist (PCL-R) for Sociopathic Traits

1. GLIB and SUPERFICIAL CHARM – smooth, engaging, charming, slick, and verbally facile. Sociopathic charm is not in the least shy, self-conscious, or afraid to say anything. A sociopath never gets tongue-tied. They have freed themselves from the social conventions about taking turns in talking, for example.

2. GRANDIOSE SELF-WORTH – a grossly inflated view of one’s abilities and self-worth, self-assured, opinionated, cocky, a braggart. Sociopaths are arrogant people who believe they are superior human beings.

3. NEED FOR STIMULATION or PRONENESS TO BOREDOM – an excessive need for novel, thrilling, and exciting stimulation; taking chances and doing things that are risky. Sociopaths often have low self-discipline in carrying tasks through to completion because they get bored easily. They fail to work at the same job for any length of time, for example, or to finish tasks that they consider dull or routine.

4. PATHOLOGICAL LYING – can be moderate or high; in moderate form, they will be shrewd, crafty, cunning, sly, and clever; in extreme form, they will be deceptive, deceitful, underhanded, unscrupulous, manipulative, and dishonest.

5. CONNING AND MANIPULATIVENESS – the use of deceit and deception to cheat, con, or defraud others for personal gain; distinguished from Item #4 in the degree to which exploitation and callous ruthlessness is present, as reflected in a lack of concern for the feelings and suffering of one’s victims.

6. LACK OF REMORSE OR GUILT – a lack of feelings or concern for the losses, pain, and suffering of victims; a tendency to be unconcerned, dispassionate, coldhearted, and un empathic. This item is usually demonstrated by a disdain for one’s victims.

7. SHALLOW AFFECT – emotional poverty or a limited range or depth of feelings; interpersonal coldness in spite of signs of open gregariousness.

8. CALLOUSNESS and LACK OF EMPATHY – a lack of feelings toward people in general; cold, contemptuous, inconsiderate, and tactless.

9. PARASITIC LIFESTYLE – an intentional, manipulative, selfish, and exploitative financial dependence on others as reflected in a lack of motivation, low self-discipline, and inability to begin or complete responsibilities.

10. POOR BEHAVIORAL CONTROLS – expressions of irritability, annoyance, impatience, threats, aggression, and verbal abuse; inadequate control of anger and temper; acting hastily.

11. PROMISCUOUS SEXUAL BEHAVIOR – a variety of brief, superficial relations, numerous affairs, and an indiscriminate selection of sexual partners; the maintenance of several relationships at the same time; a history of attempts to sexually coerce others into sexual activity or taking great pride at discussing sexual exploits or conquests.

12. EARLY BEHAVIOR PROBLEMS – a variety of behaviors prior to age 13, including lying, theft, cheating, vandalism, bullying, sexual activity, fire-setting, glue-sniffing, alcohol use, and running away from home.

13. LACK OF REALISTIC, LONG-TERM GOALS – an inability or persistent failure to develop and execute long-term plans and goals; a nomadic existence, aimless, lacking direction in life.

14. IMPULSIVITY – the occurrence of behaviors that are unpremeditated and lack reflection or planning; inability to resist temptation, frustrations, and urges; a lack of deliberation without considering the consequences; foolhardy, rash, unpredictable, erratic, and reckless.

15. IRRESPONSIBILITY – repeated failure to fulfill or honor obligations and commitments; such as not paying bills, defaulting on loans, performing sloppy work, being absent or late to work, failing to honor contractual agreements.

16. FAILURE TO ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY FOR OWN ACTIONS – a failure to accept responsibility for one’s actions reflected in low conscientiousness, an absence of dutifulness, antagonistic manipulation, denial of responsibility, and an effort to manipulate others through this denial.

17. MANY SHORT-TERM MARITAL RELATIONSHIPS – a lack of commitment to a long-term relationship reflected in inconsistent, undependable, and unreliable commitments in life, including marital.

18. JUVENILE DELINQUENCY – behavior problems between the ages of 13-18; mostly behaviors that are crimes or clearly involve aspects of antagonism, exploitation, aggression, manipulation, or a callous, ruthless tough-mindedness.

19. REVOCATION OF CONDITION RELEASE – a revocation of probation or other conditional release due to technical violations, such as carelessness, low deliberation, or failing to appear.

20. CRIMINAL VERSATILITY – a diversity of types of criminal offenses, regardless if the person has been arrested or convicted for them; taking great pride at getting away with crimes.

The PCL-R is used for psycho-diagnostic purposes and only by clinician, who possess an advanced degree in the social, medical, or behavioral sciences, such as a Ph.D., D.Ed. or M.D., are registered with the local state or provincial registration body that regulates the assessment and diagnosis of mental disorder, have experience with forensic populations, and have adequate training and experience in the use of the PCL-R.


What to do if you encounter a sociopath or have one already in your life 

There is only one thing you can do. Get away! Sociopaths cannot be cured, rehabilitated or loved back to life. These are soulless individuals, and the only way to defend against them is to stay well away. So if you encounter a sociopath, do not try to reason with them, get them to see how they’ve wronged you or plead to their sense of decency. Remember, sociopaths have no conscience or sense of duty, so any action on your part to try to change them is a pure waste of energy. 

Run for your life!


Difference between a sociopath and a narcissist

Both the narcissist and sociopath lack remorse and conscience, and both are driven by the need to dominate and control others.
  
The main difference between the two is that the narcissist desperately needs others to validate him, while the sociopath doesn’t care what others think of him. The narcissist has a terribly fragile ego and absolutely no sense of self, and needs others to prop him up by worshiping and admiring him at all times. He needs this admiration like the rest of us need air, and will surround himself only by persons who are prepared to continually revere him and agree with everything he says. 

The narcissist also possesses a sense of entitlement that means he not only needs, but demands to be idealized by others. If you do not revere him, he will lash out at you. If you do not agree with him, he will retaliate against you. As with the sociopath, the narcissist has no moral code or conscience, but he will exploit only those who pose a threat to him. His remaining victims, the ones who stroke his ego, are vital to his sense of self, so would be spared. Without those people in his life worshiping and reassuring him, he would crumble. 

The narcissist feels nothing but contempt and jealousy towards others, especially those who pose a threat to his sense of self (usually by not worshiping him). Anyone perceived as a threat must be swiftly removed from his court. 

Both narcissists and sociopaths view others as objects, but the narcissist is limited by his reliance on others to stroke his fragile ego and feed his insatiable need for validation. Without constant reassurance from others, the narcissist feels dead inside, and so invests all his energy into ensuring that others validate his fragile ego. He lives in a frantic state of paranoia that he will be exposed at any minute, and, consumed with avoiding this inevitable disaster, has little energy to be genuinely interested in others.

 

What an interesting Article

I think I have met a few men who have displayed some of those characteristics (not all of them though)

… I’d love your comments below, have you ever dated a Sociopath or Narcissist?

Love Kim xxx

Comments on: "10 Ways To Know if You Are Dating a Sociopath" (17)

  1. OMG!!! Can it be?? horrible horrible horrible

  2. Maureen Pennington said:

    This was very enlightening! I am still just barely recovering from a terrible 8 yr nightmare.. this article describes my life ! My husband tortured me.. seeing this helps so much:o) thank u for sharing. I cannot wait to read the book

    • Hi Maureen,
      How horrible for you to go through something like that.
      But beautiful … all Power to You for ending this relationship!
      Enjoy the book

      Say this affirmation
      “I am the Power
      I AM in charge of my life
      I AM safe”

      Sending love and light to you
      Love Kim xxx

  3. Allison said:

    I had the misfortune of dating a sociopath a year and a half ago. We only had two dates, and I had a gut feeling to not go on the second date. However, he had been so nice and charming on date one (generally speaking) and spent hours fixing my computer. He did slap his cat and called it a crybaby when it howled in pain. He also told me how one of his ex-wives cheated on him while he was serving in Iraq, he hated his mom and sister, he won everything in the divorce, and his ex-wife refused to have children with him. On date two, he sexually assualted me after drugging my drink and I became pregnant. Thankfully, I miscarried at seven weeks, and thought that would be the end of my dealings with him. It was not, and he continued to harass, bother and stalk me covertly, even today. After I moved on last October, he found a young, unsuspecting desperate woman and he has done a number on her already. I have spoken to two of his ex-wives and many ex-girlfriends, and they confirmed what I knew after two dates: he is a sociopath.

    • Oh Alison

      My heart goes out to you!

      You know we usually have a ‘gut feeling’ about these type of men … but the problem is that they seem charming at first and are so good at manipulating women.

      When you date someone for the first time … really listen to what they are saying … they will tell you the truth about themselves … and if a ‘red flag’ apears … RUN!

      Here is a site I love http://recoverfromemotionalabuse.com , sign up for Annies Newsletter … she ia a beautiful soul and speaks from a place of truth and compassion.

      I am glad you have moved on from this man … and I hope you are in a beautiful relationship, or on your way to finding that special man.

      Love Kim xxx

  4. Kanakalele said:

    If you MUST deal with a sociopath (because you didn’t miscarry a child, were married, etc..) I strongly suggest you keep a witness near you at all times when you must encounter the psychopath. If you don’t have another person around you at all times; then carry a voice recorder. In almost every state, only one person in the conversation needs to know that it’s being recorded (that person is YOU). If you live in the few states that require BOTH people to know that you’re being recorded- can be all the better- as psychopaths do not like the accountability of a recording and will mind their mouths. Incidentally, you will learn that what YOU say can often provoke a psychopath to keep on you. Listen to yourself too, if only to learn how NOT to speak to one of these people. Cameras on your home will aid and assist you in proving stalking behaviors. I know it seems embarrassing to alert your neighbors, but you must- their witnessing will help to convict a would-be murderer. My ex no longer trolls my neighborhood for fear of who’s watching and accounting his actions. Not sure if it were mentioned above, but psychos fear only one thing…EXPOSURE of what they really are. They will go to great lengths to cover their tracks, OR make the tracks look arbitrary: sorta like you can’t tell which way a train went by looking at the tracks? Exactly.
    There’s a great book in the “dummy” series, that refers to a major tactic of psychopaths: derailment. Do a google search on derailment for dummys. While you shouldn’t waste your time and emotion arguing with an idiot, as they will only bring you down and beat you with their expertise; knowing their tactic and calling it out as it is: NICE DERAILMENT FROM THE TOPIC can save you aggravation and make you very ‘unfun’ for them to torment.
    As I said before, sociopaths fear one thing: exposure. To expose one can be very dangerous, as in you are risking being “taken out”…but knowing this can help you to understand that they are also innately paranoid. No one can be trusted, and plant a seed of doubt (their own trick: “benefit of the doubt” is what it’s call for people with empathy) in their mind, and they are constantly digging in that direction. I was able to successfully turn my psycho’s attention off me and onto his girlfriend by planting seeds of doubt in him about her lack of loyalty and making my life seem unexciting and mundane. Psychos also do not love God….for God is all about love and love is all about another person. Psychos are all about themselves- that prideful heart that the Lord despises (Proverbs 16:5).

    • I recently separated from my partner of 10 years and father of my 4 yo child and I’m in shock but not surprised to learn that he must be a sociopath. How did I not know? I have a BA in Psychology! I was psychologically and emotionally tortured for so many years and the last two became so intense when I opened a business and began making my own connections and coming out from under his spell, so to speak. He has been making my life a living Hell since we split but playing it off like he is the gentleman giving me anything I want. Your suggestion about having a witness and recording conversations is exactly what I have been thinking about doing because he says the most extremely insane things that fluctuate from one end of the spectrum to the opposite in the same conversation. I think he’s trying to make me feel and appear to others that I am the crazy one, which is what he has been telling me for years and said that he just put up with all of the things that I am passionate about, such as my spiritual path, because he loves me. He is trying to get half of the legal rights to our son and I don’t understand why because I have made all of the decisions regarding school, healthcare, etc. since he was born. We are scheduled for a case manager conference and if we can’t come to an agreement, we’ll have to proceed to court. I am terrified and anxious because he was basically raised in the courtroom even representing himself and getting off of a minimum seven year sentence convincing the judge that what he really needed was rehabilitation and all he got was three months in an inpatient facility for a substance abuse problem. He just played the system telling them what they wanted to hear and was so proud of it. I have begun to document some of the things he has been saying and doing and even filed a relief from abuse order that I was afraid to follow through with because he would sit in my driveway and knew I wasn’t able to see a certain spot so I would always just have to wonder if he was there unless I wanted to go outside and check but I was too paralyzed with fear. The police were no help either. The first time I called 911 in my life. They told me that I was making a big deal out of nothing, to call a family member or something to come over, and that I could always call back if anything happened! I don’t’ have a single family member in the state! I didn’t expect to ramble on this much…Do you have any advice regarding my upcoming court proceedings for me to get the full legal custody of our child? It is surely in his best interest. My ex is already manipulating and lying to our innocent 4 yo and it’s so awful to hear the things my son is repeating that his father is saying about our situation. He should not be talking to him about it at all. Thank you for your help.

      • Hi Zenobia

        Thanks for your comment, how are things going now?
        It certainly sounds like he is a 1st class manipulator!
        Stand your ground and believe in yourself and know you are doing the right thing for your chld

        I am sending love and angels to stand beside you.

        Love Kim xxx

  5. I fell.victim and in love with a sociopath who i tool care if for 3 years. I hot sick of all his lies and womanizing and kicked him to the curb and now he is preying prey into on another.older. woman withlots of. Money and i feel bad for her. But I’m glass its not me anymore. I loved him but he scares the shut out of me

  6. nomoresickguys said:

    I was involved on and off with a sociopath for several months. He was the most convincing and manipulative man I have ever run across, I felt I had finally met my soulmate. He is English, because of his accent, he could charm the pants off of you literally, He was a pathological liar and preyed on vulnerable woman, older woman and he once told me once that he used to be a womanizer. Which should have been red flag I needed, to run far away. However, true to form he convinced me he wasn’t any longer. He was affectionate, told me everything I wanted to hear and would disappoint me in the same breath. But, he would make it seem like i was the one that was in the wrong, for not understanding him. This man would come in my life, turn it upside down and then disappear. This last time he came into my life, I had had enough and took measures to protect myself. I met with a therapist and she strongly encouraged me to not having any further contact with him.

    • Hi nomoresickguys

      Wonderful advice, I hope every lady who reads my blog reads your comment.

      These guys know which women are the most vulnerable and prey on them.

      I am so glad you took a stand and do not see him anymore.

      Kisses
      Kim xxx

  7. I’m dealing with a sociopathic boyfriend right now. He will never admit to doing something wrong or apologize. Yet, will get overly mad at me for the tiniest little things that normal people wouldn’t worry about. He’s very controlling, it started out slow with little things but now it has become a problem. He also has a lot of trouble with the law, but always finds his way out. He tells lies constantly, I know because he has given me different stories about the same situations. I have been feeling like there is something wrong with me but I have realized it is him. I have given everything I have and everything I am into this relationship and I feel as though he won’t even try. He seems indifferent to our relationship, yet I really feel like he cares about me. I don’t know what to do because I truly think he is a sociopath but I truly do love him. If he is though I don’t see how he can love me. It leaves me wondering if he actually cares about me at all or is just using me for his own benefit. It’s difficult because he perceives the world in a much different light then I do and it’s hard to see eye to eye

    • Hi Angie

      Women get into relationships thinking they can change a man … but we cannot change them, what you have with your boyfriend will not change …

      Believe you are worthy of a man who treats you well

      Kisses
      Kim xxx

  8. George van der Merwe said:

    I have started dating an amazing woman. We have an incredible intimate relationship, but I started noticing a few things. She isn’t interested in my day, feelings or problems. She was employed temporarily but kept deriding her employers. She claimed they hadn’t paid her yet, so I paid her rent. She spent her money on her son (27) who spent it on his girlfriend…. He is driving a car belonging to one of her (boy)friends. She has no car, so she’s driving mine. She stays with me for a day or two and then leaves, contrary to our plans. At night, while I’m sleeping, she reads my emails, text messages and checks my phone. In the morning she blows up about any ‘proof’ she has found about ‘other women’. Her moods change almost instantaneously, from anger to ‘love’ to indifference. She is constantly typing away on her phone, but rarely tells me what’s up. Even then, I wonder… Se is virtually destitute and I wish I can help her, but it doesn’t seem possible. I have spent an inordinate amount of unbudgeted for money on her in 3 months.
    Is her behavior sociopathic?

    • Hi George

      I can’t tell you if her behaviour is sociopathic, but it certainly is strange and very unstable.
      You sound like a very caring man who wants to help her … but does she want to be helped George?
      What does your heart/gut instinct tell you ….
      Can you reply and let me know if you are still seeing her?

      Love Kim xxx

  9. I too have dated a man on and off for the last 10years who fits all what has been said above, he always claimed he truely loved me then would be cold and distant whenever
    I wanted to talk about things. I find myself numb inside sad thing is I thought he truely loved me and it was because he had, had such an unhappy childhood searching for his mothers approvel, thought i could help him with his pain…What a fool I am, Found out he had 5 ex wives and 6 children who he did not have any contact with always someone else to blame. As long as I went along with what he wanted both in and out of the bedroom things were fine, I have cried endless nights for him when he would not take my calls, i always wondered how someone could say they loved you yet be so cold towards you everytime we parted, and when he came back it was as though nothing had happened and if we did talk it always came back to it being my fault.. How can I be so sucessful in other areas of my life yet suck at love or spotting this type of man, deep down I always knew something was missing in this man and by reading the above I now understand that it was never there in the first place to be missing. I now have to be strong and stay away from him and never put myself in this position again, I am worth and deserve so much more and someone who truely loves me!!!!!

    • Hi Libbie

      Oh honey, I understand what you are going through, I did that as well.
      don’t blame yourself, these men are so good at manipulating.
      You know what signs to look out for now.
      There are good men out there and the perfect man is there for you as well.
      I recommend Annie Kazsina – Married to Mr Nasty (I love her work) http://www.emotionalabuserecoverynow.com/twywtb.htm

      Believe you are worthy of so much more, and YES you DO deserve so much better!

      Love Kim xxx

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