10 Ways To Know if You Are Dating a Sociopath
Hi Gorgeous, I found this interesting article on Girlie Girl Army http://girliegirlarmy.com/ I hope you find it interesting.
Love Kim xxx
You need to be aware who you let into your life, single ladies and menfolk. Sociopaths are often hard to spot, as they can be charming with amazing social skills.
Sociopaths are smooth talkers, always have an answer, and can seem very exciting.
But their charm hides a chilly selfishness designed to torment.
Learn how to identify and avoid sociopaths by reading 10 ways to spot a sociopath (aka con artist) on your first date.
There are people in the world who don’t care about love, and who feel no remorse, empathy or emotional attachment to others. They don’t even know what these feeling are. These people are called sociopaths. Most people think of a sociopath as a deranged serial killer, but, with 4% of the population having the character traits of a sociopath, most sociopaths never physically harm anyone. Sociopaths do however ruin lives, empty bank accounts, and cause untold emotional trauma, using simply the fact that they don’t care.
The Absence of Feelings: Sociopaths may seem to laugh or cry but they present with no depth of emotion. While easily provoked to frustration or rage, their display of feeling is little more than a momentary, isolated temper tantrum. To the sociopath, other people are tools to get them what they want: money, sex, a job or other possessions. They live in their own amoral world where nothing they do has any consequences and where they owe no one anything. They have no empathy. Thus, they elude all responsibility for their actions, and can easily turn the tables, blaming their partner without guilt or shame.
The Relentlessness of Deception: Sociopaths lie all the time. As they don’t view their spouse as a thinking, feeling person, they do not see this behavior as wrong. Their only quest is to serve themselves and, if this entails lying, cheating or even murder, they will do so. If one catches them in lies, they are brilliant at changing the subject, placing the onus on the other person, denying their involvement or trying to make their spouse seem crazy. They are even good at deceiving the police and the court system; sociopaths rarely end up in prison for their actions.
The Impulsiveness of Action: Sociopathic individuals rarely plan ahead. They undertake actions on the basis of momentary whims, often devious ones. Every act seems isolated in its own amoral universe. Thus, they cannot keep promises or repair the damage they’ve caused to others. When they lie, cheat or steal, the act exists solely for them; they believe it should have no repercussions or real world effects. They often appear to have “forgotten” they did something shortly after it happened. Their need for excitement encourages them to get involved in one night stands, shady deals and ill advised engagements. Sociopaths have no sense of commitment to their spouses, any children they may have together or the future.
HOW TO SPOT A SOCIOPATH:
Sociopaths have impressive social skills, thereby making them extremely hard to spot. They are charming, funny and exciting. This is why we need to be aware. If your new romantic interest exhibits all or most of the following behaviors, be careful. He or she might be a sociopath.
1) Charisma and charm: They’re smooth talkers, always have an answer, never miss a beat. They seem to be very exciting. Their manners are impeccable; they are well groomed; they fulfill the codes of romance and courtship to a tee. They are likely to be eloquent talkers who lace their speech with impressive sounding facts and figures. They may be fun, laugh a lot, sweep their partner off their feet with their sweetness.
2) Enormous ego: They act like the smartest, richest or most successful people around. They may actually come out and tell you that.
3) Overly attentive: They call, text and e-mail constantly. They want to be with you every moment. They resent time you spend with your family and friends.
4) Jekyll and Hyde personality: One minute they love you; the next minute they hate you. Their personality changes like flipping a switch.
5) Blame others: Nothing is ever their fault. They always have an excuse. Someone else causes their problems.
6) Lies and gaps in the story. You ask questions, and the answers are vague. They tell stupid lies. They tell outrageous lies. They lie when they’d make out better telling the truth. If you probe deeper, you’ll find that their stories never stack up.
7) Intense eye contact: Call it the predatory stare. If you get a chill down your spine when they look at you, pay attention.
8) Move fast: They quickly proclaim that you’re their true love and soul mate. They want to move in together or get married quickly.
9) Pity play: They appeal to your sympathy. They want you to feel sorry for their abusive childhood, psychotic ex, incurable disease or financial setbacks.
10) Sexual magnetism: If you feel intense attraction, if your physical relationship is unbelievable, it may be their excess testosterone.
Some doctors call them sociopaths, others refer to them as psychopaths. Either way, the terms are used to describe individuals who have a range of personality disorders. These people are NOT certifiably mentally ill; they are biological carriers of socially and personally problematic traits. Such traits may have been manifested from childhood in acts of cruelty to animals, property or people. These characteristics can disrupt relationships, create financial and emotional crises, and, at their worst, lead the person to callously undertake acts of vandalism, theft, rape or murder. Being aware what constitutes a sociopath can help one resist their charm and the errors inherent in establishing a life with them.
Sociopaths know exactly what they are doing, and most of them never kill anyone. But they are social predators who exploit just about everyone they meet. They have no heart, no conscience and no remorse.
You can’t ‘cure’ a sociopath or help them to see the error of their ways. They don’t see the world as we do, so the only thing you can do, is save yourself and walk away.
Dr Annabelle R Charbit is the Author of A Life Lived Ridiculously; “When a girl with obsessive compulsive disorder falls in love with a sociopath, she must fight for her sanity and her life.” Available at Amazon and Barnes & Noble.
Here is some more information from http://www.ridiculouslife.net/index.html
Dr. Robert Hare’s Psychopathic Checklist (PCL-R) for Sociopathic Traits
1. GLIB and SUPERFICIAL CHARM – smooth, engaging, charming, slick, and verbally facile. Sociopathic charm is not in the least shy, self-conscious, or afraid to say anything. A sociopath never gets tongue-tied. They have freed themselves from the social conventions about taking turns in talking, for example.
2. GRANDIOSE SELF-WORTH – a grossly inflated view of one’s abilities and self-worth, self-assured, opinionated, cocky, a braggart. Sociopaths are arrogant people who believe they are superior human beings.
3. NEED FOR STIMULATION or PRONENESS TO BOREDOM - an excessive need for novel, thrilling, and exciting stimulation; taking chances and doing things that are risky. Sociopaths often have low self-discipline in carrying tasks through to completion because they get bored easily. They fail to work at the same job for any length of time, for example, or to finish tasks that they consider dull or routine.
4. PATHOLOGICAL LYING – can be moderate or high; in moderate form, they will be shrewd, crafty, cunning, sly, and clever; in extreme form, they will be deceptive, deceitful, underhanded, unscrupulous, manipulative, and dishonest.
5. CONNING AND MANIPULATIVENESS - the use of deceit and deception to cheat, con, or defraud others for personal gain; distinguished from Item #4 in the degree to which exploitation and callous ruthlessness is present, as reflected in a lack of concern for the feelings and suffering of one’s victims.
6. LACK OF REMORSE OR GUILT – a lack of feelings or concern for the losses, pain, and suffering of victims; a tendency to be unconcerned, dispassionate, coldhearted, and un empathic. This item is usually demonstrated by a disdain for one’s victims.
7. SHALLOW AFFECT – emotional poverty or a limited range or depth of feelings; interpersonal coldness in spite of signs of open gregariousness.
8. CALLOUSNESS and LACK OF EMPATHY – a lack of feelings toward people in general; cold, contemptuous, inconsiderate, and tactless.
9. PARASITIC LIFESTYLE – an intentional, manipulative, selfish, and exploitative financial dependence on others as reflected in a lack of motivation, low self-discipline, and inability to begin or complete responsibilities.
10. POOR BEHAVIORAL CONTROLS - expressions of irritability, annoyance, impatience, threats, aggression, and verbal abuse; inadequate control of anger and temper; acting hastily.
11. PROMISCUOUS SEXUAL BEHAVIOR – a variety of brief, superficial relations, numerous affairs, and an indiscriminate selection of sexual partners; the maintenance of several relationships at the same time; a history of attempts to sexually coerce others into sexual activity or taking great pride at discussing sexual exploits or conquests.
12. EARLY BEHAVIOR PROBLEMS – a variety of behaviors prior to age 13, including lying, theft, cheating, vandalism, bullying, sexual activity, fire-setting, glue-sniffing, alcohol use, and running away from home.
13. LACK OF REALISTIC, LONG-TERM GOALS - an inability or persistent failure to develop and execute long-term plans and goals; a nomadic existence, aimless, lacking direction in life.
14. IMPULSIVITY – the occurrence of behaviors that are unpremeditated and lack reflection or planning; inability to resist temptation, frustrations, and urges; a lack of deliberation without considering the consequences; foolhardy, rash, unpredictable, erratic, and reckless.
15. IRRESPONSIBILITY - repeated failure to fulfill or honor obligations and commitments; such as not paying bills, defaulting on loans, performing sloppy work, being absent or late to work, failing to honor contractual agreements.
16. FAILURE TO ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY FOR OWN ACTIONS - a failure to accept responsibility for one’s actions reflected in low conscientiousness, an absence of dutifulness, antagonistic manipulation, denial of responsibility, and an effort to manipulate others through this denial.
17. MANY SHORT-TERM MARITAL RELATIONSHIPS – a lack of commitment to a long-term relationship reflected in inconsistent, undependable, and unreliable commitments in life, including marital.
18. JUVENILE DELINQUENCY – behavior problems between the ages of 13-18; mostly behaviors that are crimes or clearly involve aspects of antagonism, exploitation, aggression, manipulation, or a callous, ruthless tough-mindedness.
19. REVOCATION OF CONDITION RELEASE – a revocation of probation or other conditional release due to technical violations, such as carelessness, low deliberation, or failing to appear.
20. CRIMINAL VERSATILITY – a diversity of types of criminal offenses, regardless if the person has been arrested or convicted for them; taking great pride at getting away with crimes.
The PCL-R is used for psycho-diagnostic purposes and only by clinician, who possess an advanced degree in the social, medical, or behavioral sciences, such as a Ph.D., D.Ed. or M.D., are registered with the local state or provincial registration body that regulates the assessment and diagnosis of mental disorder, have experience with forensic populations, and have adequate training and experience in the use of the PCL-R.
What to do if you encounter a sociopath or have one already in your life
There is only one thing you can do. Get away! Sociopaths cannot be cured, rehabilitated or loved back to life. These are soulless individuals, and the only way to defend against them is to stay well away. So if you encounter a sociopath, do not try to reason with them, get them to see how they’ve wronged you or plead to their sense of decency. Remember, sociopaths have no conscience or sense of duty, so any action on your part to try to change them is a pure waste of energy.
Run for your life!
Difference between a sociopath and a narcissist
Both the narcissist and sociopath lack remorse and conscience, and both are driven by the need to dominate and control others.
The main difference between the two is that the narcissist desperately needs others to validate him, while the sociopath doesn’t care what others think of him. The narcissist has a terribly fragile ego and absolutely no sense of self, and needs others to prop him up by worshiping and admiring him at all times. He needs this admiration like the rest of us need air, and will surround himself only by persons who are prepared to continually revere him and agree with everything he says.
The narcissist also possesses a sense of entitlement that means he not only needs, but demands to be idealized by others. If you do not revere him, he will lash out at you. If you do not agree with him, he will retaliate against you. As with the sociopath, the narcissist has no moral code or conscience, but he will exploit only those who pose a threat to him. His remaining victims, the ones who stroke his ego, are vital to his sense of self, so would be spared. Without those people in his life worshiping and reassuring him, he would crumble.
The narcissist feels nothing but contempt and jealousy towards others, especially those who pose a threat to his sense of self (usually by not worshiping him). Anyone perceived as a threat must be swiftly removed from his court.
Both narcissists and sociopaths view others as objects, but the narcissist is limited by his reliance on others to stroke his fragile ego and feed his insatiable need for validation. Without constant reassurance from others, the narcissist feels dead inside, and so invests all his energy into ensuring that others validate his fragile ego. He lives in a frantic state of paranoia that he will be exposed at any minute, and, consumed with avoiding this inevitable disaster, has little energy to be genuinely interested in others.
What an interesting Article
I think I have met a few men who have displayed some of those characteristics (not all of them though)
… I’d love your comments below, have you ever dated a Sociopath or Narcissist?
Love Kim xxx