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The Benefits of Being the Victim

Have you ever ‘played the victim’?

For many years, especially after my divorce, I ‘played the victim’ …  I played the ‘pity me’ game …. and told myself  the poor Kim story  …

The problem was that it kept me in a dark place , life was not fun anymore !

I decided that I did not want to live like this anymore so I asked myself some questions ….

Was this way of living serving me?

What do I want?

What would make my heart sing? 

I have since changed my story from the inside out !

My past is what it is …. my present is what it is …. but my future is what I choose to make it !!

I am the captain of my ship

I set the sails and I plan the journey

My past does not predict my future

because I am willing to do what it takes

to create a better life

I am stronger than I have ever given myself credit for

I am a powerful creator in my life …… 


I just wanted to share an article written by Reverend Dr. Lorraine Cohen on being the victim.

Circumstance to the Hero of Your Life Story

 By Reverend Dr. Lorraine Cohen
Founder of Powerfull Living

Have you ever heard the phrase, “Life happens while you’re busy making other plans?” How often do you set your sights on a specific objective and goal, only to have your best intentions go awry? Things don’t always go the way you planned or hoped.

When things seem to hit bumps or create undesirable experiences, how do you respond? Do you roll up your sleeves and focus on how to best dance with the situation to learn and grow? Or do you begin a downward spiral into your victim—feeling fear, overwhelm, a sense of defeat or depression?

I’ve always considered myself to be an optimistic, upbeat person. And yet, when life throws me an unexpected curve, my initial response can dip into the negative pretty fast—especially when it requires me to do things I have never done before. I hear my small inner child cry, “I can’t do it! It’s too hard. I don’t know how. I don’t want to. What if I fail?” I can feel myself shifting into feeling like a victim in seconds.

Breathing, getting present, re-centering, and using my healing tools help me to shift my energies and focus so I can feel my courage and power return.

We all have the capacity to shrink from our courage and power when we forget who we are. Our minds race in with worst-case scenarios and “what ifs” as our imaginations run wild. Our egos create elaborate stories and dramas that cause us to feel at risk and frightened. We believe what we imagine as if it were real and certain. We collect evidence from the past as proof that life is unfair, unsafe, and painful. We expect the worst rather than expecting the best.

When we are in the throes of panic and dread, it can feel like you’re on a runaway train or drowning as you struggle to “get rid of the thoughts and feelings.” The key is moving through the experience rather than trying to avoid the pain and discomfort or taking up residence and making that situation the story of your life!

Every life experience offers a healing, a growth opportunity. What you resist, persists.

Life is a journey of courage. Each day brings new experiences that create opportunities to say YES to who we are meant to be.

No matter what is happening, one power you always retain is how you choose to show up to life. Your attitude is entirely up to you. In every moment, you choose your attitude. If you think you don’t, that’s where your victim steps in.

What makes identifying with a victim so compelling?

Some of the benefits of being a victim:

  • Feeling owed or entitled to something
  • No personal accountability, responsibility, or expectations
  • The right to blame, complain, judge, and criticize
  •  “Poor me” gains support, pity, and sympathy
  • Don’t have to show up
  • Use of excuses, rationalizations, and reasons to avoid life situations
  • Deny your potential to play small and hide out from life experiences
  • Illusion of safety from hurt and upset

The irony is that staying in our victim causes us to experience a life full of pain and constriction. It’s a way many people become spectators of life rather than active participants and deliberate creators. Desiring more and feeling imprisoned by old fears, beliefs, and habits that keep us stuck in the past while we long for a brighter future.

During the course of our life, we take on many roles and identities that become part of who we believe ourselves to be. We might view certain parts of ourselves with disdain and others with positive appreciation. Each part has served us in ways to help us thrive or survive. To be whole, we must embrace all parts of ourselves with love and compassion, inviting the best of who we are to emerge and integrate as we awaken and evolve.

Lorraine CohenCreatively inspiring and innovative, Reverend Dr. Lorraine Cohen is recognized as a cutting edge expert in the fields of personal growth, spiritual evolution, and conscious entrepreneurship. Founder of Powerfull Living, she is a gifted spiritual life coach and advisor, published writer, speaker, and popular radio broadcaster.

For more than 20 years, Lorraine has coached thousands of spiritually-aware business owners to overcome the limitations of their mind to live happy and abundant lives that align with their spirit. An expert in Transforming Fear into Power and removing barriers to success, she helps people shift from being a victim of their circumstances to being the hero to their own life story.


Today I am grateful for …

I am grateful that I am a powerful creator in my life

I am grateful that I am having my 2 lovely girls  — Cassandra and Samantha and Sam’s boyfriend Nathan sleep over tonight

I am grateful for a great nights sleep last night

I am grateful for my inner strength, that has got me to where I am today

I am grateful for a beautiful cool shower this morning

You are a powerful creator in your own life …

So start changing the story you tell about yourself … and your life will start to change !

Do you realize that?

Make your life special!

Make it Fabulous!

Please leave a comment.


Kim xxx

If you need help to get out of the ‘victim’ mode, EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) may be able to help, please visit my website to learn more about EFT

While there why not sign up for my FREE Course ‘The 6 Steps to Fabulous’


Comments on: "30 Day Gratitude Challenge – Do You Play the Victim" (2)

  1. Hi Kim,
    this is such a great topic. I too have played the victim, on and off, all my life. It didn’t serve me or anyone else and after a really tough year in 2009 when I had to step up and care for my ill parents for months on end and take responsibility for their care and be the ‘adult’ I realised how much I’d blamed others for my lack of courage, especially those who love me best. Since then my life has done a complete turn around and I am responsible! My parents are fine, for now, and my life is mine and I love it! I’m also very grateful that those who love me are still by my side xxx

    • Hi Jeanne, I am glad to hear that your parents are well again!
      It is so easy to ‘play the victim’ , and not take responsibility for our lives, by blaming circumstances or other people (yes even those we love the most – and don’t the poor men in our lives ‘cop it’) … but in the long run it only serves to make us more miserable.
      I have also ‘played the victim’ on and off throughout my life and even now it is easy to step back into that mode … but at least now I know to stop myself from diving head first into it !
      I think once we take responsibility for our lives, things change dramatically.
      Thankyou for being so truthful and vulnerable … it may help others to realize that they are not alone in their struggles.
      I am so glad I found you my friend xxxx

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