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Why Men Cheat

Why Men Cheat

A number of years ago I used to own an Adult Shop … it was an amazing place to work. The customers that shopped there were so varied- there was Mr and Mrs Average, Crossdressers, Drag Queens, Strippers and Escorts. The stories they told me were hillarious and facinating.

Something that really ‘opened my eyes’ was the stories the Strippers and Escorts told me about their clients. Most of the men that visited them were in their 40’s, 50’s and 60’s and were married. Apparently these men were in marriages or partnerships where sex was either non existant or routine and boring. These men were visiting these ladies for sex and intimacy but also to experience something a little different, such as fantasy play or a position other than ‘missionary’.

After talking to these girls, I decided to create a workshop for women on how to spice up their sex life. After all I was in the perfect location … so I closed my shop to customers on a sunday and ran the workshops from my shop. They were a huge success and a lot of fun!

The workshops have evolved over the last 7 years to what they are now … Bedroom Goddess – The Lessons in the Art of Loving’ To find out more just click here

So Why Do Men Cheat?

The reasons why men cheat on women can be varied. Sometimes their reasons don’t even involve you and it’s simply an ego-based decision. Other times, reasons why men cheat can involve you and your relationship, or lack thereof.

Almost all men know that cheating is wrong, yet many they still do it. Men will blame their reasons for cheating on their genes and their necessity to reproduce, and there is some truth to this theory. (The genetic and evolutionary make up of males – both in humans and across the animal kingdom – is to widen their gene pool as much as possible and prevent the genetic material of rivals from being passed to the next generation…. yet surely we have evolved as a species since then? )

Here are the top ten reasons why men cheat:

1. The top reason that men cheat is emotional disconnection. Men are also emotionally driven beings, they want their wives to show them that they’re appreciated, and they want women to understand how hard they’re trying to get things right. With daily worries like bills, children and work, it is easy for couples to drift away from appreciating one another like they should.

This feeling of under appreciation is often expressed as follows: “She doesn’t understand me” – “We don’t talk” – “She is too busy with the children” “She is too tired for sex”.

Basically he is not receiving enough attention from his partner and he feels criticized and undermined. When feeling unappreciated at home many men start to feel insecure, and it is that very sense of insecurity which is often the catalyst to the affair. Men need to feel they can make their partner happy and to feel admired and trusted.

The other woman often makes the man feel admired and better about himself and he thinks that she is helping him to deal with his current unhappiness.

2. Your sex life stinks. Some men cheat because they are not receiving an adequate amount of sex at home, because perhaps their partner’s sex-drive has decreased or the sex they do enjoy has grown stale and repetitive. If you have not had sex with your husband in a while —or have cut him of completely, just be aware that one of the factors that is predictive of marriage success is the man’s satisfaction with the sexual experience. So, if you want to be happily married to a man, then you have to find a way to connect with him sexually.

Men have insecurities too. Sex, for a man, validates him and it is his way of expressing his love for you .  

Your man may also want to try new sexual things that you will not try. Sex researcher Helen Kaplan once wrote of a  man whose marriage ended when his wife, whom he loved very much, found out that he was seeing a dominatrix. Sadly, Dr. Kaplan said, the man’s “requirements” were minimal, but he was afraid his wife would abandon him if he even suggested she do what the dominatrix did.

Men generally want more sex compared to women and if their partner cannot give them what they want, they usually turn towards another who can give them that satisfaction, be that by having an affair or seeing an escort. A routine sex life can be as bad as none at all, and sex with a new partner can break this cycle.

Just because you have a husband or boyfriend, does not mean you can stop trying. It takes a little bit of effort to keep your sex life from becoming boring and non-existent. By keeping surprise and sizzle in your sex life, a woman can keep the home fires burning so hot that her man won’t have any reason to cheat. Visit my website to find out How to Be a Bedroom Goddess

3. You grow apart. Maybe the two of you didn’t have as much in common as you thought.

4. You argue a lot. Men will sometimes cheat to get away from an overly critical or argumentative partner. Who wants to be around someone who is constantly nagging them?

5. They have fallen out of love. Sometimes men become so comfortable in a relationship, they don’t know how to get out. They may be staying in the relationship because of children or financial reasons. However, they feel like they are missing out on love and may seek it out elsewhere. In their mind, this is as close to win-win as they can get.

6. It’s new, different and exciting. Some men get tired of having steak for dinner every night and want to try chicken. That’s why men don’t necessarily always cheat with women who are more attractive than their partners.

7. Because they had the option.  Men don’t get offered sex as often as women so when the opportunity does arise, it can be very difficult for them to turn it down. Many men who love their partners and have great sex at home never turn down an opportunity for a bit on the side if they think they can get away with it. In one study, 56% of cheating men surveyed said their marriages were very happy.

Statistics show that 70 per cent of unfaithful men never dreamed they’d be unfaithful, and almost all of them wished they hadn’t done it. But even if your husband swears he would never cheat, don’t assume it can’t happen. It’s important for both of you to take steps toward creating the marriage you want.

What can you do to reduce the possibility of cheating?

1. Men and women need appreciation in different ways. Men want to be admired and appreciated  (they want to know they can get it right for you and be appreciated for it). So if you are woman ask your partner to help you with something that will make him feel good as a man and appreciate him for it.  Women on the other hand, need to be told that they are special.

2. Focus on making your relationship more loving and connected. A strong emotional connection reduces the likelihood of cheating.

3. Schedule in time in your calendars each week to have special time together, maybe to go on a date or do something that nourishes your relationship. The most common mistake of married men and women is they stop dating and flirting . Set one day for you alone. Forget about the children and your other responsibilities. Go out and have fun. Flirt with your partner in both verbal and non-verbal ways.

4. Take an interest in the emotional life of your partner; ask them what they would like more of/less of in the relationship. Find out what is important to them. Communication is a crucial part of any marriage. 

 5. Take steps to ‘Spice Up Your sex Life’ – Sex is one of the key ways your guy expresses his love and feels close to you, so be sure to keep it a priority. If you want to affair proof your marriage, you must always find time for sex.  Continue to explore the sexual needs of your partner and do not be afraid to try various positions, toys and fantasy play. Marriage counselors will always tell you that one way to keep your partner beside you is through sensual , fun and playful lovemaking . Click here to find out more about Bedroom Goddess – The Lessons in the Art of Loving

Finally, if your partner has had an affair, NEVER put all the blame on yourself. 

Ultimately, he is responsible for his behaviour.  

An affair doesn’t have to mean the end of a marriage and the beginning of a painful divorce. However, it is a sign that something is profoundly wrong in the marriage and needs fixing. I can help you with re-igniting your sex life and increasing your confidence both in and out of the bedroom, but I do suggest you see a professional relationship counsellor.

To learn more about Bedroom Goddess – The Lessons in the Art of Loving click here

Scroll down to find some tips on how to Spice Up Your Sex Life … and please leave a comment

Love Kim xxx

Why Women Love Fifty Shades of Grey

Fifty Shades of Grey

Fifty Shades of Grey

Have You Read Fifty Shades of Grey?

50 Shades of Grey is an erotic novel written by  E L James , a TV executive, wife and mother-of-two based in West London.

The story is about a young woman, Anastasia Steele who meets  business tycoon Christian Grey , who has a penchant for “bondage and discipline.” If you have ever fantasized about being dominated and you like reading  romance stories with an edge, you might enjoy 50 Shades of Grey.

What is Power Play and Erotic Domination?

Power play is simply a more heightened variety of erotic domination. It’s about one person taking the lead (dominant) and the other surrendering (submissive) always within mutually agreed upon boundaries.

 

Why do Women Love Fifty Shades of Grey?

1.  It is essentially a romantic love story .

 2. 50 Shades of Grey is a story about a sexy, dominant powerful man and that is fascinating to most women. This has a lot to do with sexual polarity, in todays society many women have morphed into their masculine energy and men into more feminine energy.  Yet so many women are dying for their lovers to take the lead in the bedroom and take them on an Erotic Adventure.  Unfortunately our modern culture has emasculated our men such that they’ve become afraid to sexually lead their woman.

 3. Fifty Shades of Grey has also given women the freedom to talk about the sensual fantasies they think about. Fantasies play a critically important role in keeping sex exciting in long term relationships. Fantasy play and bondage and submission games encourage you to move beyond your comfort zone. They encourage you to surrender to your partner, which requires a great degree of trust and vulnerablity and because of that it will bring you closer to your partner than you have ever been before.

 4. Many women have also been brought up with the ‘Good Girl Syndrome’. This conditioning leads to negative thoughts and feelings about sex and the body, resulting in an inhibited sexual response. How often have you heard the saying ‘Good Girls Don’t”? By playing ‘Fantasy Games’ in the bedroom, you are given permission to ‘Let Go of the Good Girl’ and be a little naughty … because it is only a game

5. It is a Very Sexy Read!!!

For women fortunate enough to have a trusted lover who can take control in the bedroom,  she can surrender completely, knowing he will take her on a  sensual and erotic journey to experience total pleasure.

If you’ve wanted to have your man step up and lead you erotically, tell him. And give him as much detail about what would make it sexy for you and where your boundaries are. Check out the tips below on how to ‘Spice Up Your Sex Life’.

The best lover I ever had,  would push me up against the wall, hold me tight and pin my body to the wall with his torso, he would use his other hand to pull my hair to the side while he kissed and lightly bit the back of my neck. He would then kneel down and slowly run his fingers and tongue up my legs … tell me there is not a woman out there who is swooning right now? Most of us fantasize about the strong, powerful man who can take charge and allow us to surrender completely.

 If you would like to know more about Sexual Fantasy, Erotic Domination and how to Spice Up Your Love Life, you may be interested in my next workshop – Bedroom Goddess – The Lessons in the Art of Loving  on my website Savvy Inspired Women  click here ….

Please leave your comments below and tell me what you thought of Fifty Shades of Grey …. I loved the books!

Love Kim xxx

Tips to help you Spice Up Your Sex Life

Re-ignite your Sex Life

How To Ignite Your Sex Life

Do you remember those days when you couldn’t wait to rip your guy’s clothes off!

For many women in long-term relationships, sex has become just another chore.

Here are 16 tips to help you Re-ignite your Sex Life

1. Retrain your brain. Change the way you think about sex. Most women think of sex as something he gets and you give. Instead, think of yourself as being the receiver or the lucky one. Start seeing sex as a treat for you; you can tune in to other sensual treats in your daily life.

2. Focus on a great sexual experience. Taking just five minutes out of your busy day to replay the specifics of your last really great sexual encounter (even if it was years ago and with someone else!). Thinking about your pleasure: how it made you feel — and how you want to feel that way again can turn you on sexually.

3. Men and Women are different! Acknowledge the differences.Women want romance. They want to cuddle, kiss, touch, talk, be surprised and then make love. On the other hand, men are visual and physically oriented, sexually – They want to be aroused by what their lover wears to bed, the physical language they use, the body cues that they receive from their partner throughout the day, and their partner’s curiosity and interest in being playful and sexy.

4. Take time out for each other. It is essential that you take time out for your relationship as a couple. Schedule a date if you have to, just like you would schedule a haircut or doctor’s appointment. Sometimes work, life’s obligations, and children keep us so busy that the last thing we care to even think about is being intimate. This may sound silly but in today’s world where every minute is accounted for, if you don’t schedule time for your relationship, you won’t have any time for it. And eventually, you won’t have a relationship at all.

5. Write your fantasies. Journal about some of your hottest fantasies

 6. Share your fantasies – I come across so many people that have never shared any of  their fantasies with their partner. It can be a difficult conversation to have, because you don’t know how they are going to react, but often people find out that their partner has similar fantasies and it sparks a whole new life in the bedroom. The beauty of it is that you don’t even have to fulfil those fantasies, sometimes just using them as imagery is enough; imagine your partner whispering in your ear, talking you through the hottest fantasy you’ve ever imagined. When you share your true thoughts and feelings with someone; when you are vulnerable for that moment and it’s reciprocated with equal truth and vulnerability, you grow closer as a couple.

7. Erotica – Read some sexy erotica (try Mills and Boon Blaze Editions for raunchy stories) Have you read the Novel Fifty Shades of Grey? http://www.eljamesauthor.com/  This book has taken the world by storm … Fifty Shades of Grey is  a story of a young woman, Anastasia Steele who meets a business tycoon Christian Grey,  who has a penchant for “sexual domination.” If you have ever fantasized about being dominated and you like reading romance stories with an edge, you might enjoy 50 Shades of Grey….. it is a really sexy read and has re-ignited the sex lives of women from around the world

8. Flirt with your partner. Remind yourself how much fun you had when you first met – re-spark that inner-sexiness from when you first met. A fun thing to do is to meet at a bar and pretend to be strangers and flirt outrageously with each other.

9. Touch – Focus on the physical act of touching. Touch is always a big part of a healthy passionate relationship. Yet so much of the time we forget how to touch our partners. The act of touching is very sensual and fosters an intimate feeling of one-ness. This feeling creates an invisible, seamless transition into foreplay. Take it from there without any expectations. Go with the flow and see where you end up. Humans get so much from touch but most importantly they get a barrage of neurochemicals like endorphins and oxytocin. Endorphins make people feel good and oxytocin bonds people together.

10. Initiate Sex – Often times in relationships the man is the one who initiates sex the most. But eventually a man may get sick of always having to be the one who gets thing started. One of the ways to reignite your sex life is to make your partner feel wanted. Both people in the relationship should initiate intimacy.

11. Try somewhere different – Throw away all your beliefs on how and where you should you have sex. Be open, playful and creative. If you always have sex in the bedroom, pick somewhere else in the house! Write a list of the places you’d like to have sex. Every time you and your partner do something new you create new neural pathways. This helps to create memories as well as helps to continually bond you and your partner. This doesn’t take money necessarily either. This can be something as simple of creating a picnic dinner with wine and candles in the living room. Laughing, being a little wild, and having fun are all great ways to re-trigger the lightness and joy you felt when you first met. Several psychology studies show that if you do activities with your partner that produce brain chemicals associated with arousal, this arousal gets transferred to your private, intimate relationship. Activities that create fear (e.g., roller coaster rides, skydiving, bungee jumping, or scary movies) or that cause an upsurge in the feel-good brain chemicals and this actually increases passionate love.

12. Add some new toys! Experiment with different positions, toys, styles and whatever else you and your partner agree to. This creates novelty so these two work hand in hand! Try a toy you’ve never used before and see what wonderful things you can find to do with it. Trust me, vibrators and bullets are just as much fun used on guys as they are on girls.  Many men report a great feeling when using a vibrator on their inner thighs and on their testicles. (Tip – if using Anal Toys make sure they have a flange or base that is wider than the toy to prevent it from disappearing!)

13. Have Sex Early in the Day – Men’s testosterone peaks between 7 and 8 a.m. so take advantage of this fun fact and have sex with him a few minutes after the alarm goes off

14. Seduce Each Other With Phone Sex – When he is at work send him a seductive text message or picture. Not sure where to start? Try texting him something simple but suggestive like, “Can’t wait 2 c u 2night” Just let him know that you are thinking about being alone with him. Pictures are worth a thousand words, but if you aren’t into the thought of taking nude pics of yourself, you can send him a picture of your lacy bra with the message, “Can’t wait 4 u 2 take this off me 2night.” It’s okay to feel a little shy or awkward, especially if you are new at the seduction bit. However, the more you do it, the more comfortable you will feel, especially when you see how enthusiastically your partner responds.  

15. Kiss – not just a peck on the cheek, a REAL KISS – spontaneously kiss your man for at least 10 seconds 3 times a day.

16. Serve yourself for dessert. It sounds silly but it can also be really fun and sexy. Try feeding each other juicy fruit like peaches or strawberries. Grab some yummy ice cream toppings from the kitchen such as whipped cream and chocolate syrup and turn your body into the sexiest sundae he’s ever tasted.

7 day Coaching Challenge

Day 1. Tonight, ask your partner what turns him or her on. Talking about sex generally leads to sex!

Day 2. Kiss your partner passionately for a full 2 minutes

Day 3. Send a sexy Text Message

Day 4 – Sleep Naked (please no frumpy flanellettes … or t shirts)

Day 5. Have a bath or shower together and wash each other

Day 6. Buy an erotic novel (or find a story online) and lie in bed and read it to your partner – Remember try Fifty Shades of Grey!

Day 7. Make love somewhere different. Or throw a blanket onto the living room floor, have sex in the bathroom, make out in the Car

Would you like some private coaching on how to Spice Up Your Sex Life and Introduce Fantasy Play and Sensual Domination

Bedroom Goddess is designed for women of all ages 
who are single or in committed relationships who ….

– Have lost touch with their sensuality
– Have forgotten how to be playful in the bedroom
– Are re-entering the dating scene after a break-up or a divorce and need to regain their confidence in the bedroom
– Are in a long term relationship and want to ‘spice things up’

http://savvyinspiredwomen.com/the_siren_13.html

Kim Gillespie is a Life and Intimacy Coach at Savvy Inspired Women. To receive your FREE Online Course ‘The 6 Steps to Fabulous’ The Savvy Woman’s Guide to Discovering Your Life Purpose, Designing Your Life Loving the Amazing Woman You Are ,Being Happy and Getting Your Sexy Back! visit  http://savvyinspiredwomen.com/index.html

The Main Reason For Divorce Later in life

The children have flown the nest and, as thoughts turn to retirement, the years ahead should be an opportunity to enjoy life as a couple.

Instead, it appears the baby boom generation are filing for divorce.

Many over-50s ending their ­marriages blame a lack of love and intimacy in their relationship, according to a survey.

Figures show that 28 per cent said they divorced because their partner was emotionally cold and distant, while a quarter cited a loss of interest in sex.

The research also found that 27 per cent said they were no longer committed to their marriage.

The main reason for men ending their marriage – cited in a third of cases – was a lack of interest in sex, while most women said their husband was ­emotionally cold.

To read more of the article click this link http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1321700/Lost-intimacy-driving-50s-divorce.html

To Discover How To Put the Spice Back in Your Sex Life , please visit www.savvyinspiredwomen.com

 Kisses Kim xxx

7 Simple Ways to Spice-Up Your Love Life

7 Simple Ways to Spice Up Your Love Life

Reignite the Romance in Your Relationship
After 8 years of living with her partner in an otherwise happy relationship, Julie, 42, feels there is something wrong with her sex life. “I can’t remember the last time I initiated sex”, she says … ‘I can remember entire days spend in bed. Now I don’t even respond to his advances.”

It doesn’t have to be this way. Your relationship can become even more intimate and sexy as the years go by.

Here are some tips on how to re-connect with your partner inside and outside the bedroom
1. Abandon Routine .. Go dating. Married couples should never stop dating. Pick a time and make it special – not just one more thing on your to-do list.. Remember planned sex can still be HOT Sex

2. Build anticipation – As your partner is walking out the door, tell him what you are planning to d to him tonight. Send him a sexy text or email …. Or leave a little surprise in his briefcase …. You will both be feeling excited and filled with anticipation all day.

3. Share a fantasy.  Talk to your partner, find out his favourite fantasy, and re-create it … tell him yours and let him do the same for you.

4. Kiss . How often do you kiss your partner , I mean really kiss, not just a peck on the cheek … pull him to you and kiss him passionately, say to him “I adore kissing you”

5. Try somewhere new.  Using the dining room table for something other than dining adds variety.

6. Feel sexy. When you feel sexy, you will act sexy as well.

7. Bring back the flirting. Do you remember when you first started dating your partner, and the flirty way toy talked to him and acted around him? It’s time to bring that back !

Would you like more Hot Tips , then visit www.savvyinspiredwomen.com for your Free E Course – “The 6 Steps to Fabulous”

Would you like to ‘Get Your Sexy Back’ , Re-Ignite the Romance in Your Relationship and unleash Your Inner Sex Kitten? New Workshop commencing soon, visit www.savvyinspiredwomen.com

Savvy Inspired Women
Workshops, Coaching, EFT and Hypnosis to Nurture and Nourish Your Soul
www.savvyinspiredwomen.com

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